I used to be a dead guy
Now I'm a fucking jedi
And I've got lots of news for you
And I've got a long list of things to do

I used to dwell in the present
I used to be so hesitant
But now I've got my whole life to live
And I've got all my love to give

To all you fuckers that I hate

It's like the Gift of the Magi
It's like the Gift of the Magi 2
You sold your soul to buy some tits
And I sold my soul to grow a dick

We gotta get him in the van
Well what if he resists?
Just kick him in the back of the fucking head
And put him in the back of the fucking van

It's a miracle of science
All this betrayal and violence
And it lives inside us all
It lives inside our hearts
Just like a stupid fucking tapeworm

Who can we blame?

The husband divorced his wife
After she cut her hair
Because she was way less fuckable
And that's just unforgivable
He moved into a condo
He hung out by the pool
But he never wore a bathing suit
He just wanted to scope out the talent

If God doesn't like ugly
Then God doesn't like anybody
So fuck God anyway
God is obsolete

My God thinks my jokes are funny

There's no one to blame
People are just fucking mean

Go suns!*

*(referring to the Phoenix Suns, a basketball team from AJJ's hometown)