Have you seen my sister, Evelyn?
Dang, she's gone and wandered off again!
I've been lookin' high and low,
Where oh where'd my sister go?
She's been known to spend some time
With a sailor friend of mine.
I called him up and what'd he say?
"I ain't seen that girl today!"

So if you see my sister Evelyn,
Tell that girl to hurry home again!
Where oh where'd my sister Evelyn go?

Is she with the doctor? Or the plumber?
Or the dentist? Or the handyman?
Did she go to India? Or Africa?
Or Wichita? Or Pakistan?
Did she go and join the navy?
Or go completely crazy?
Or is she playin' a trick on me?

Did she run off with the farmer? Or the professor?
Or the banker? Or the clergyman?
Is it possible that she could be in (???)? Or (???)?
Or Vegas? Or (???)?
Is she learning how to do, do
The Chaplin or the Chu-Chu?
Oh, golly, where could that girl be?

Have you seen my sister, Evelyn?
Thought she'd gone and wandered off again!
I've been lookin' high and low,
Where oh where'd my sister go?
She's been known to run cocaine
Through the alley old folk down the lane.
I looked her up and what'd she say?
"I ain't seen that girl in days!"

So if you see my sister Evelyn,
Tell that girl to hurry home again!
Where oh where'd my sister Evelyn go?

Is my floozy sister with the doctor? Or the plumber?
Or the dentist? Or the handyman?
Did that old bag quit her job and run off with that thickhead, Mike to
India? Or (???)?
Or Panama? Or Disneyland?
Is she studyin' Kabala? Or smokin' marijuana?
Or is she dead in a ditch somewhere?

So if you see my sister Evelyn,
Tell that girl to hurry home again!
Where oh where,
Where oh where,
Where oh where,
Where oh where,
Where oh where'd my sister Evelyn go?